Make that ménage à trois happen, finally.
Craving a threesome? You’re not alone. A massive 89 percent of Americans have fantasized about having a ménage à trois, according to research conducted by Justin Lehmiller, Ph.D., a Kinsey Institute s*x researcher, Men’s Health advisory board member, and author of Tell Me What You Want. But for many, this alluring fantasy is nothing more than that—a fantasy. Only around 18 percent of men have actually had a threesome, according to the 2015 S*xual Exploration in America Study.
If you and your partner want to bring a third into the bedroom, but haven’t done it yet, perhaps an app could help remedy the situation. Modern-day dating apps aren’t just for singletons looking to find “the one”; they can also help people in relationships organize a three-way. (Conversely, these apps can also help single guys find a couple to play with. You can really make some couple’s lucky night!)
Swiping your way to a threesome might sound a little daunting. There might be a voice in the back of your head asking, “What if something goes wrong?” But using an app to find a threesome can be a totally painless process, if you go in prepared.
Here’s what you need to know about the best threesome apps, and how you can use them. (Oh, and in case you do get to have a threesome, but don’t know of any positions other than the Eiffel Tower, we recommend checking out our list of creative threesome positions.)
Before you jump on a threesome app, make sure your relationship is strong enough.
This is for all you couples out there. Before you start hunting for a third, you have to ask yourselves the all-important question: Are you both strong enough to handle a threesome? Can your relationship take the strain of you seeing one another with someone new? While a threesome may seem thrilling, the reality could be quite different.
“You could find that someone who isn’t particularly secure in themselves or the relationship feels more insecure, and can’t get past what you’ve done. They could be worried that you enjoy it more with the other person than you do with them, or they could feel inferior,” says Rebecca Dakin, s*x and relationship expert and author of The Girlfriend Experience and The Great British Sexpert’s 101 S*x Tips: A Guide to Pleasing Your Man.
The last thing you want to do is to blow your primary relationship to smithereens for the sake of a quick tumble with a third. The secret to avoiding this issue is to ensure you’re on strong enough ground first. “If you’ve got a really healthy relationship, you are having good s*x and you do respect each other, then it can be a lot of fun bringing somebody else into it,” Dakin explains.
Deciding whether you’re on solid ground is easier said than done. Sure, you can have a frank and open conversation with your partner ahead of time. But is there a way to test your limits? You may want to dip your toes in the water by flirting with thirds online before you commit to the main event. That way, if one party gets a bit freaked out by the looming reality of a threesome, they can call it quits early on.
What are the best threesome apps?
There are a variety of threesome apps you can use to find the right person (or people) while staying safe and keeping your details private. Here are a few you may wish to consider.
1. Feeld
Branded as the “dating app for open-minded couples and singles,” Feeld could be your go-to place to find a threesome. You can either browse alone or as a couple, chat with people online, and then arrange a meet-up. Want to keep your s*xcapade a secret? This app allows you to “hide” from your Facebook friends, which means you won’t match with them. It might just save you an awkward conversation or two.
(free on iOS and Android)
2. Grindr
Grindr—an app for gay, bisexual, and bicurious men—was actually the first geolocation hookup app, meaning that it showed how far people were away from you (e.g., 250 feet or 2.5 miles). While not specifically a threesome app, you’ll see a lot of couples looking for a third. From time to time, you’ll also see a bisexual man and his girlfriend looking for another bi guy to join them.
3. Scruff
Scruff is another hugely popular app for queer men. Traditionally, Scruff catered to men who are hairier and more traditionally masculine looking, but now guys on the site are of all shapes, sizes, and furriness. There are plenty of couples on the app who are seeking a third for some casual fun.
4. FetLife
FetLife has been around for over a decade. It’s a widely popular social networking website (and now app) for k1nky folks with specific fetishes. Whereas the other apps on this list are just that—apps—FetLife distinguishes itself by being a social networking platform (think Facebook, but for k1nky fu*kers). There are plenty of folks on FetLife who are down to be your third, just know, they’ll likely want to get into something k1nky, too.
(free on Android)
5. 3Somer
For those of you who are a little more experienced, you may want to give the 3Somer app a whirl. The platform is specifically for couples and swingers, which means that it may draw a more seasoned crowd. Meeting someone (i.e. a third) could be as easy as creating a profile with your partner, swiping through singles, and saying hello.
6. Fantasy
What could be more alluring than sharing your fantasies with like-minded adults? That’s what this next app is all about. Fantasy allows both couples and singles to connect over the things that turn them on! Plus, you can go incognito and sign up for a “guest” profile, which means that this one doesn’t sync with any of your social accounts.
(free on iOS)
Meet the other threesome participants before you have s*x.
You may be looking for no more than a one-night stand, but that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t get to know them first. Arrange to meet them in a casual setting before the big event so you can see if you’re all attracted to each other.
“Sometimes with threesomes, people like to make a whole evening of it,” says Dakin. “You have it as an actual date; going out for wine and dine to get the connection going before you get intimate. I would recommend that you meet up with them before in an out of bedroom situation to check that you’re both comfortable with that person.”
Decide on boundaries for the threesome.
Next up, it’s time to talk s*x admin. With more people between the sheets come more complications. If you’re in a couple, it’s no longer merely about making sure the two of you are happy and satisfied; you need to think about the third. If you’re the third, it’s important to advocate for yourself and make sure you’re getting as much out of the arrangement as everyone else. That’s why you’ve got to talk about what you’re all happy with when the action kicks off.
“Discuss what you’re comfortable to do and not do and check that you’re all on the same page with that,” Dakin says. Once you’ve had ‘the talk’, you can move onto the more exciting part—the action.
If you’re in a couple, make the third feel welcome.
While it may feel naughty having a third join you, you should make sure that you treat them like a person—not merely an accessory to you and your partner’s s*x life. Going to bed with a couple is nerve-wracking, so you want to make them welcome.
“It’s like having a dinner party,” says Mackenzie. “You’re welcoming that third into your space. Ideally, you already have a good enough emotional, secure space to do this.”
If you’re hosting the threesome, take some time to make your home look inviting. You’re supposed to be wooing the third, so you need to make an effort. You might want to put on music, light some candles and, at the very least, change your sheets. It’s plain good manners. On the other hand, you should also make them feel welcome in a figurative sense.
When things kick off, keep in mind what the third is looking for from the experience. At the end of the night, they deserve to be just as satisfied as the two of you. Be generous with them—sharing is caring, after all.